Top 10: Shit advice I’ve received since becoming a mama

It’s fair to say that since I’ve become a mother I’ve been showered with unsolicited  advice. Strangers, family and friends alike can’t seem to help themselves from dishing out their weird and wonderful pearls of wisdom. Whilst, I’m fully aware most of the advice comes from a good place (God knows, I’ve even started giving it out myself) some of it has been truly awful.

Here is my Top 10 of shit advice I’ve  received since becoming a mother:

  1. “That boy needs a hair cut”– Cheers hospital bounty photographer. SHE is only 10hrs old so I might wait a while before I crack out the scissors.
  2. “That baby is hungry- she needs a feed”– She just had a feed five minutes ago and she’s teething but thanks absolute stranger for your concern.
  3. “Maybe if you dressed her more in pink people would know she’s a girl”– FRO. Just F.R.O.
  4. “We fed you liquidised Chinese takeaway food at three months and you’re fine” (This was said as they attempted to feed our three month old chocolate)- I have no words for this.
  5. “You pick that baby up too much- You will spoil her”– Of course, apologies. How dare I pick up and soothe my own daughter when I like.
  6. “Don’t buy any newborn clothes. They’ll grow out of them before they get to wear them”– True, babies grow out of their new togs quickly but after stupidly taking this advice my baby left the hospital looking like she’d borrowed a clown suit. Cue an emergency trip to Next.
  7. “You should give the dog away now that you have the baby”– of course. Adios pooch. It’s been fun.
  8. “You should put her down. She’s just using you as a dummy”– I think I know when my baby is feeding but thank you for your concern.
  9. “You should sleep when the baby sleeps” -In theory, this is great advice but it’s a load of bollocks. When the hell do you get the chance to eat, wash and exist if you don’t do it when the baby is asleep????
  10. “Dip her dummy in sugar and then she’ll take it”- She was  four days old.

What’s the worst advice you’ve received since becoming a parent?


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