Things I never thought I would do before I had a baby…
I first started to think about writing a blog after binge-reading and falling in love with a couple of ‘mummy blogs’ and instagram accounts whilst I was pregnant.
One of those blogs was the ‘mother of all lists’ (bloody brilliant and well worth a read!) and although I definitely don’t plan to be a copycat/for this to be a ‘list-blog’, in homage, my first post is a list of things I never thought I would do before I had a baby:
- Spray breast milk directly from my boob into the face of an elderly gentleman sitting on the table next to me at a coffee shop.
- Wear gigantic granny pants. An unplanned c-section will do that to you. Probably shouldn’t still be wearing them almost four months on but, Jesus, they’re aren’t half comfy.
- Dance the conga with a load of mums on the lawn of the local town council building in honour of the Hungry Caterpillar’s 51st birthday.
- Stop at two glasses of prosecco on Christmas Day. To put this into context in previous years I’ve probably put away four bottles of the stuff on my own.
- Make new ‘mummy friends’. I’m not gonna lie to you, for someone who is quite shy and despises making small talk with strangers, it’s probably been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do- Something I’ll definitely elaborate more on a later blog.
- Breastfeed for four months (and counting!). To be honest, I didn’t think I would take to it or find it so easy. I definitely didn’t think I would love it so much.
- Go through a three-day labour ending in an emergency c-section and come out of it feeling like it was a positive experience and something I would do again in a heartbeat. I truly would.
- Sing my babies name to her daily to the tune of Gary Glitter’s ‘Rock and Roll’…Elsie Booo-oo, oh Elsie Boo (Gary Glitter’s still a no-go right?)
- Breastfeed for 15hrs straight. Clusterfeeding is an absolute bastard. No wonder noone tells you about it.
- Celebrate my baby doing a large shit. Fuller the nappy, happier the baby.
- Spend four days on edge because my baby hasn’t had a shit. No shits = increasingly grouchy baby. Like a ticking timebomb.
- Worn pleather leggings to a baby class. The sounds of the pleather squeaking against the floor magnified quite how inappropriate my clothing choice was. In my defence, I had no clean leggings and wasn’t prepared to venture outside of Lycra.
- Do a ‘new mother & baby’ interview with a local newspaper and come across as an absolute smug bitch. The article title was ‘Baby Elsie is a dream baby’- yes, yes I know. What an arsehole. (See said offending article below)